An examination of conscience is a deliberate, unhurried look back over your life since your last confession, naming what you have done wrong. It is not a mood or a general sense of being a bad person. It is specific, and it is meant to be: the Catechism asks that it be made in the light of the Word of God, and points to the moral teaching of the Gospels and the letters of the apostles as where to look. ²

Most people use a written guide, because trying to do this from memory tends to produce either a blank or a single thing you already knew about. A guide walks you through the commandments and the ordinary areas of a life — work, family, speech, money, what you do with your attention — and asks direct questions about each. The long form published by Sensus Traditionis, linked below, is one such guide and is thorough. ⁴

The Church asks that this be done carefully rather than quickly. Canon law puts the obligation in terms of a diligent examination of conscience, and it is that diligence, rather than any particular length of time, that the word is doing. ³

One caution worth saying plainly. An examination of conscience is meant to end in confession and relief. If it turns into circling the same ground without ever finishing — a scruple rather than a reckoning — that is a sign to stop and take it to the priest as it stands, and to say that this is what is happening. He will know what to do with it.

Contrition is first among the penitent's own acts. The Catechism defines it as "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again." ² Both halves matter: the sorrow, and the intention going forward. Canon law says the same thing from the other side — the penitent must be someone who, rejecting the sins committed and having the purpose of amendment, is turned back toward God. ³

The Church distinguishes two kinds, and the distinction is genuinely useful rather than academic. Contrition is called perfect when it arises from love of God loved above all else. Perfect contrition remits venial sins, and it obtains forgiveness of mortal sins as well — but only if it carries the firm resolution to go to sacramental confession as soon as possible. ²

Contrition is called imperfect when it comes from a sense of the ugliness of sin or from fear of damnation and punishment. The Catechism is clear that this is still a gift of God and a real movement of the Spirit; by itself it does not obtain forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes a person to receive that forgiveness in the sacrament. ² If what brings you to confession is fear rather than love, that is enough to bring you. It is not a disqualification.

A firm resolution not to sin again is not a guarantee that you will not. It is an honest present intention. Someone who confesses a habit they have fought for years and expect to fight again is not lying about their resolution, provided they actually mean to fight it.

You may kneel behind a screen or sit face to face; both are ordinarily available and the choice is yours. The priest greets you, and the rite begins with the sign of the cross.

Then you say how long it has been since your last confession. This is the sentence people dread, and it is worth knowing that no priest is surprised by any answer to it. "It has been about twenty years" is a normal thing for a priest to hear, and it tells him how to help you.

If you cannot remember the words or the order, say so. Telling the priest at the start that it has been a long time and you are not sure how this goes is not a failure of preparation — it is the most useful thing you can tell him, and he will walk you through the rest. Nothing below this point has to be done from memory.

The confession of sins to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament. ² What must be confessed is grave, or mortal, sin: canon law asks that all grave sins not yet confessed be told in kind and in number, so far as a diligent examination has brought them to mind. ³ "Kind and number" means what the sin was and roughly how often — not a narrative, and not the circumstances of anyone else involved.

Sins that are not grave need not be confessed at all. The Catechism is explicit that confession of everyday faults is not strictly necessary, while strongly recommending it, because regular confession of them forms the conscience and helps a person be healed of habits rather than merely absolved of acts. ² Someone returning after a long absence should not feel obliged to reconstruct every venial fault of two decades. The grave matter is what is asked for.

If you genuinely cannot remember whether something was confessed before, say that too, and confess it. Nothing forgotten in good faith is held against you; what is asked is honesty, not a perfect archive.

The seal of confession is absolute. A priest may not disclose what he hears in confession to anyone, for any reason, under any circumstances. There is no exception to this in the Church's law.

The priest will usually say something — a word of counsel, a question, sometimes very little. He then gives you a penance.

The penance is meant to fit. The Catechism asks that it take into account the penitent's personal situation and look to their spiritual good, and that it correspond as far as possible with the gravity and nature of the sins committed. ² It may be prayers, but it may equally be an offering, a work of mercy, service to a neighbor, a voluntary self-denial, or the patient acceptance of something already being carried. ²

If you are given a penance you do not understand, or cannot do — a prayer you do not know, something your health does not allow — say so before you leave. The priest will give you something else. This is ordinary and he would far rather do it now than have you leave unable to complete it.

The priest will ask you to express your sorrow, and you pray an Act of Contrition. There are several forms in use and no single one is required; the traditional wording is the one most people were taught as children, and many parishes keep a card in the confessional for exactly this moment.

If you do not remember it, that is not a problem. You may read it, or you may say in your own words that you are sorry and intend not to sin again. What is asked here is the contrition, not the recitation.

The priest extends his hand and pronounces the words of absolution. Underneath every change of discipline the sacrament has undergone over the centuries, the Catechism says, the same structure is to be discerned: it comprises "two equally essential elements: on the one hand, the acts of the man who undergoes conversion through the action of the Holy Spirit: namely, contrition, confession, and satisfaction; on the other, God's action through the intervention of the Church." ¹ The four steps above are the first element. Absolution is the second.

The essential words are that God grants you pardon and peace, and that the priest absolves you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. The full formula is set out in the Rite of Penance and quoted in the Catechism at n. 1449, and this page links to it rather than reprinting it — the English liturgical texts are licensed, and we are not a publisher of them. ¹

The sin is forgiven at that moment. Not when you feel forgiven, and not when you have completed the penance. Whatever you walk in carrying, you do not carry it out.

Absolution takes away sin, but it does not undo everything sin has disordered. The Catechism puts it in terms of a person raised up from sin who must still recover full spiritual health, and so must do something more to make amends: this is what is called satisfaction, or penance. ²

Do it soon, while you still remember it. If your penance was prayers, most people say them before leaving the church. If it was something larger, do it at the first real opportunity.

Forgetting your penance does not undo your absolution. If it happens, do it when you remember, and mention it next time.